Pain in my Back
by Dark Lord Link
Summary: Link endures a series of unfortunate events that lead to a stretching technique implored by his alchemist friend, Ivy, in an attempt to ease her own back pain. Unfortunately, it only made the Hylian's day all the more silly. Link/Ivy humor.


**PAIN IN MY BACK**

_A Soul Calibur Short Story_

The young hero struggled to keep the luggage on his back as he and his traveling companion moved forward on a dirt road. Tall trees surrounded them, and a river bank that stretched on for miles ahead could be heard to their left. His rich green tunic was riddled with sweat, and a rather grotesque supply bag strapped heavily to his back made it safe to assume why he was covered in perspiration. He struggled to maintain his footing on the bumpy floor, cautiously stepping over small stones to avoid a mishap that would likely crush him. Twinges of pain coursed his back, causing him to grunt with each step.

Near his position, a tall and slender beauty with...quite the figure, carried a sword and a small sack over her shoulder. While she was lightly burdened, she seemed to have a pain in her back as well. Evident by her free hand constantly massaging her spine, and the occasional hiss of pain she emitted, she seemed very uncomfortable. He was unsure as to what caused her back pain, but recalled her waking up earlier in the day with it, seemingly out of no where. Whether or not this was one of her many ploys to get him to do things without conflict, he didn't know. The revealing attire she wore, which exposed most of her thighs and chest for the world to see, never failed to make the younger lad uncomfortable, and she used that to great effect.

With the loss in concentration, a rock struck the hero's foot, and like a tree having just been cut, he tumbled over with a yelp. Flailing his arms and his free leg about frantically, the hero's cries fell on deaf ears. His face smashing into the rough dirt, and the large sack having covered all but his legs and arms, left the hero to groan.

"Link," The taller lady called, having thought she heard a wheeze for help.

"...Help..."

Without his plea reaching her, she believed he was just being silent again. The strange boy was not much of a talker, only when he was upset or having suffered another of her mischievous games she played on him in an effort to maintain her own amusement.

"My back is really starting to hurt again, I can almost not walk at this point. We will camp here for the night, perhaps some prolonged stretching will alleviate my growing pains." She explained, her sultry voice and heavy accent having reached Link's long ears. He continued to claw at the ground in an attempt to shift the weight off of him, but to no avail.

"Ivy...Stuck..."

"Ugh, this is unacceptable. With this confounded condition of mine, we will never catch up to that fiend, Cervantes!" She spat with acid, her frustrations reaching a new level. Beside her, the young warrior Link continued to scream as much as he could, but it only came out as a hushed whisper.

"...Not breathing...Help..."

"Link, are you even listening to me? Link?" Ivy turned around to her right, not seeing her friend where he was last. She didn't realize that he had fallen over at her side and was still futilely crawling for dear life.

"Hmph! Isn't that just like a man - disappearing when you need him the most... Bloody hell, my back is killing me!"

Suddenly, she felt a light tap on her foot. Her expression becoming a befuddled one, she turned around to see a pair of arms and legs that she recognized beneath the behemoth bag. Ivy grimaced at first, leaning down with her knees and grabbing the flap that had fallen over Link's head. Lifting it up, she took note that his nose was embedded in the earth. A puff of dust escaped from his cheeks where his nostrils were pushed to the side.

Again, the crippled fingers of the Hylian tapped at her foot.

"...Yes?" She replied, lowering her head to hear the hero's voice more clearly, despite the pain it was bringing in her spine. Link began to move his head, attempting to free his mouth and nose, then-

"GET IT OFF ME!"

His voice, finally escaping the confines of the road, had reached her loud and clear. The tall lady Ivy began to pry the bag off of her comrade, grunting as her back pain began to flair up once more. Having pushed enough of the weight off of the hero, she reached down and managed to unhook the straps. At last, the bag toppled over and the pressure had been removed.

Gasping for air, a furious Hylian writhed on the ground, cursing colorful things to himself as he pushed off his stomach. Ivy stood back up, sticking her finger into her right ear in an attempt to stop the ringing caused by Link's outburst. She watched the young man dust himself off, still violently muttering a number of harsh remarks to no one in particular.

She dared not repeat what was being said, not only did she not understand his incoherent rambling, but she didn't trust the way he was spitting them out, almost biting at the air.

At first, it started as an amused grin. But as the Hylian pulled his hat from his head and threw it down to the ground he was smashed on, it became a stream of giggles that she had no control of.

Link was so frustrated at how silly his quest had become that he had not noticed Ivy laughing to herself. He stomped on his hat, still in the midst of a tantrum. Ivy fell over, her sides hurting, and landed on the sack that had squashed her partner. Her back contorted over, reviving her previous pain once more.

The hero tore his sword and shield from his back and flung them into a nearby tree. In a brash manner, he snatched his hat from the dirt and slapped it on his head, a handful of sand falling over his ears and down his neck as he stomped off, ignoring his partner. Ivy struggled to maintain herself and suppress her laughter, it wasn't easy, nor was she successful after a few moments.

* * *

Despite her previous frustrations at the prolonging quest before her, it was hard not to feel better with the pouting Hylian sitting across from the sultry alchemist. Ivy continued to stare at him from the side, snickering quietly as Link brushed the dirt from his head and hair.

He shot her a quick look of annoyance which was effectively ignored. Pulling out a water canteen, he pulled the cork off and swallowed some of the clear liquid within before pouring a little more down the back of his neck. Ivy watched as the dirt left his neck and revealed a mark where one of her shoes had landed when the sack fell on him. Her snickering returned at the sight.

But so did her back pain. Wincing, she returned her hand to her spine and tried to push at it so see if it would help ease the pressure. It didn't prove as effective as she had hoped, however, her ingenious intellect began to run various methods through her head in an attempt to find a solution that may be the answer to her predicament.

Analyzing her surroundings, she noted that if she could climb one of the trees, she could hang by her hands and allow gravity to stretch her spine, thus eliminating the pressure. Which brought her to wonder why she had the issue in the first place. Looking down on herself, she immediately knew the answer. Her figure was, for lack of a better word, gifted. With the constant extra weight on her chest, combined with her travel schedule and battle techniques, the pressure had added up on her spine.

Disgruntled by something she had no control over, she returned to her previous thoughts.

The trees were tall. Too tall, even for one as athletic as she was. She could not climb the bark in her current gear, nor did they have the rope to attempt it. Pursing her lips, she scanned her surroundings further; but found nothing that would be as effective as hanging from the trees.

Until she remembered her companion. Link, who was busy collecting the nearby branches, looked like the perfect answer to her problem. Slowly, as she looked his slightly shorter frame over, a grin appeared on her rose red lips. She stood up, slowly making her way over to him.

The unsuspecting hero had his back turned to his comrade, whilst he placed the dry wood down. As he stood, his arms were suddenly raised up and he felt something curvy press against him with silver hair brushing the side of his left cheek. Shocked, he turned his head to see Ivy analyzing the length of his arms before dropping them.

"What are you doing?" He questioned, taken aback by the sudden contact.

"I'm curious... Stand straight, I'd like to see something."

Doing as he was told, purely to see where his teammate was going with this, Ivy pressed her side against his while holding out his left hand with her right hand. Looking him over, and taking into account the differing lengths of their arms and height, she stepped back. Placing a hand to her chin, she hummed to herself in thought.

After a short time, Link caught how she continued to look him up and down, as well as placing her hand on his head and comparing it to her height. Slapping himself on the face, he sighed.

"Yes, I'm the shorter one. What else did you want to one-up on me?"

She grinned, an action that made him gulp at first.

"Link, old chap, would you mind giving me a hand with...something?" She asked with her usual sly tone. Link shifted uncomfortably, he never liked it when she put all her attention on him. It was unreasonably scary in his case, mostly because he found Ivy to be one of the most unpredictable beings he had ever met. There was no telling what ran on in her head, whether she was about to play a trick on him, or worse.

Luckily, he never found out what "worse" was, and hoped he never had to.

"My back pain is really becoming a nuisance... would you mind helping me rid myself of it?" She asked, putting on a mock pout and pleading eyes, whilst laying a hand across the back of her neck and the other on her spine. She shifted her weight to one leg while turning in place to show her back to him.

Link, with anxiety building up rather fast, took a step back. Ivy looked over her shoulder at him, a secretive grin on her face as she watched him take another sip of his canteen. After the second gulp, he choked on the water and began to cough profusely.

It took a lot to keep her laughter in. She loved to toy with the naïve Hylian, it was just too easy for her, but oh so amusing. He never reacted in the same way, no matter how often she chose to tease him. She could tell he was hardly ever alone with a woman, especially one such as her. She was content in waiting for him to recompose himself, because she was aware the next thing she asked would amuse her ever more than she already was.

He cleared his throat, having gained control of himself once more. Putting on a blank expression, and seemingly shrugging off Ivy's playful attitude, Link looked his friend up and down, trying to figure out what he could do to help her whilst avoiding her revealing wear.

"What do you want me to do? I mean- What can I do to- Gahh!"He tried to talk, but everything that came out sounded wrong to him. Ivy let a giggle slip momentarily, before regaining control of herself. She turned around and faced Link, putting on a mockingly shocked expression.

"Is that all I am to you, deary? A play toy?" Placing a hand over her heart, she frowned deeply, but Link could tell she was faking by the way her lips were quivering in the wake of suppressed laughing. She shook her head, continuing the ploy and insisting to him that she was offended by his slipped words.

"I'm deeply hurt, Link... I thought you were different..." She muttered, looking off to the side as if ashamed to look at him.

Link knew better. If that was the case and he had really offended her, not only would he be running, but he would have to worry about dodging that confounded snake-sword of hers, Valentine. He had been traveling with Ivy long enough to recognize her sincerity in place of her deceptive and seducing tactics.

"... How can I help?" he said, deciding to play along, not bothering to put on an ashamed expression to help convince Ivy that her tactics had worked. She allowed her false facade to melt, sensing his annoyance from earlier, had yet to diminish. She chuckled, closing the distance between the two and standing directly in front of him.

"Is it wrong for me to ask nicely?" She argued, knowing the hero had seen through her act, in which Link rolled his eyes at her and crossed his arms. "I need you to turn around and wrap your arms around mine, like this."

She grabbed him by his shoulders and turned him a full one hundred and eighty degrees before turning herself around and pressing her back against his. Link stiffened up, never one for awkward physical contact. Ivy sensed this, the notion amusing her so. Finally, she wrapped her arms around his.

"Now, bend over while holding my arms to your front. That should give you the leverage to stretch me out so that the pressure can be lifted from my back."

Shaking his head, Link did as Ivy instructed. It wasn't hard to pull the taller of the two over onto his back, considering how light she actually was compared to him. Though, he never knew how much she actually weighed, she refused to tell him for some reason.

Ivy relaxed immediately upon Link reaching a full ninety degree forward bend, her figure melted into his warm back. She ignored the wetness caused by both his sweating and the water he poured over himself earlier, deciding that the relief that was washing over her was much better than personal hygiene at the moment.

Link's face, however, was as red as the tomato. The added warmth from Ivy was not suiting his condition either, despite the indifference of the two, he couldn't help but admire her for the wild fire she had always been. Now, here she is, sprawled on his back in a silly position that was putting more stress on his back than anything. It was already pretty exhausted from carrying that monstrous sack from earlier, yet here he was, the unwilling mouse in one of Ivy's many lab experiments.

He didn't mind, though. Not as much as he thought he did, at least. It was in his nature to help others, though, half of him argued that his relationship with Ivy was seriously pushing that line against a possible crush.

It was difficult to resist her charms, and she was constantly displaying them in her sultry voice, the way she moved so deliberately, and how she carried herself as a true noble – despite her revealing wear and overall look on the quest against Soul Edge, to which Link felt was bleak. It was no secret that she was willing to do anything to destroy it, even if it meant the death of those innocent.

'_Ugh... My back is starting to seriously complain about this position._'

It had gradually gotten too quiet, Ivy's breathing had regulated into small, slow breathing. She hadn't moved since he felt her relax on his back. It almost reminded him of how a cat would find an odd position to lay in and immediately fall asleep. Link's annoyance resurfaced.

'_Oh, great. Now she's asleep. Just wonderful..._' He winced, trying to keep still, at least for her sake.

She may have been his friend for quite some time now, but like a cat, if she woke up in a bad mood, some scratching was bound to happen. Link shuddered at the thought, she was still wearing her shoulder armor with the razor sharp finger-claws at the tips. An audible crack emerged from Link's back and out from Ivy's form.

'_Oww...my back..._'

* * *

Ivy stretched her arms out, feeling very content and much better now. She sighed, her back was completely pain free and she could move with ease again. Smiling widely, the alchemist looked around to see her friend whom had been gracious enough to assist.

Her smile faded into a grimace. Link had remained in the same bend since she had awoken. The young hero resembled a hunchback who couldn't sit straight, and true to the thought, Link was sitting down with his head between his knees, propping himself up with his elbows on his lap.

"Are you alright?" She asked, raising her eyebrow at the curving young man. Link groaned in response, or was he replying to her? She couldn't tell, his words were caught between his legs. It was true what they said, stupidity becomes those who speak out of their rears.

To say his stature was awkward, is laughable. Ivy began to wonder exactly how long she had been on his back. And why he let her stay there so long.

"I'll be fine... Can you start the fire? I'm a little...hung over, at the moment..." He managed to get out, groaning right afterward as he shook his head.

Ivy laughed loudly at his choice of words, but decided to concede with his request, considering his current dilemma. She noted to herself, that it just wasn't his day today. She also felt slightly, just slightly, guilty of his issue at hand – and with that in thought, began to collect wood from a nearby pile that he had originally stacked.

Walking around her friend, she dropped the wood in the center of the clearing that Link had chosen just off the road. Gathering a few rocks and placing them around the wood, she stepped over the hunched form of her friend and took a tinderbox from their sack. With a few blades of bundled up grass, she slapped a rock against the flint and ignited it. Placing the tinderbox back in the sack, she walked back over Link who was still helpless to move, unconsciously hovering the flaming bundle over his head, and dropping the flaming flora into the center of the dry wood.

Slapping her hands clean of the dirt, she turned around and gasped.

"WHAAA!" Link suddenly jumped up and began flailing like a chicken being chased by a predator. Atop his head, a small flame had formed and began burning his hair.

"PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!" He shrieked, all the while, Ivy had tackled him down and began to slap the top of his head with her palms. Unfortunately, it wasn't working, it only spread the fire around his head.

Throwing her off of his chest, without once thinking of how awkward their position was, Link began to run in a hobbled fashion towards the nearby road. Ivy had gotten up and began chasing after him.

"Hold still, you bloody fool!" She yelled at him, trying to hit his head with his own hat that she had picked up as she passed his spot by the fire. Link continued to yell obscenities, cursing out loud and spitting out foul words of every kind that he could think of.

While he is yelling out the most evil of words to the world, Ivy struggled to maintain her speed which suffered from compulsive laughing, hysterical giggling, and tears forming at the sides of her eyes from the sheer hilarity of Link running through the woods with his arms flailing and his back hunched over.

Not surprisingly, Link had picked up enough speed to out run Ivy, a feat not easily accomplished but considering she was too busy holding her stomach, it would be unfair to compare their actual speed. Within that time, she had to follow the trail of smoke that led to the nearby river stream in order to track her flailing friend. Upon arriving at the bank of the river, she saw Link jump into the water and disappear beneath the surface. A great bellow of smoke had risen where he entered the water.

Feeling safe in relaxing now, she fell over onto the bank and allowed her amusement to take full control.

* * *

Link stared at the fire, his mood having turned quite sour and his clothes as damp as the expression on his face. A large bald spot on his forehead marked where his previous unfortunate event had occurred. Ivy sat next to him, having had to help him out of the lake, but also so that it would be harder for her to see the bald spot and begin laughing again.

She peeked out at the corner of her eye, the silence was as thick as the smoke rising from the camp fire. A thought that made her lip curl slightly, but she fought it, trying to maintain her composure. But it was only a matter of time, before her strength faded and the hilarity of the situation overran her defenses.

She really did try hard not to laugh. But her hardest would prove futile. A snicker escaped, she attempted to catch it, but it was too late. Slapping her hand over her mouth with her eyes going wide, she slowly turned her head over to Link.

He, also turned his head ever so slowly over to her direction. His expression remained blank, but she could see the storm raging in his eyes. He was as mad as a caged lion, and like one, ready to pounce. Putting on a sheepish grin, Ivy attempted to shrug it off.

It would seem it worked. Link had turned his head back to the fire and returned to his thoughts that, no doubt, involved many malicious images. Perhaps logic prevailed against the beast, how could anyone look at his situation and not laugh in accordance? Everyone, except him, could not refuse an opportunity as that.

Despite his sour mood, Ivy finally gave in to her sinister ploys.

"How's your back, Igor, old chap?" She whispered, doing her best to keep a straight face.

"Shut up..." Link responded in a hushed tone, not sounding vicious, merely mellow. It was obvious the day had finally broken him.

"You could pass as a Buddhist monk, you know." She chuckled loudly, staring at the large circle devoid of hair on her friend's head. He refused to acknowledge her remark, which only egged Ivy on.

"Link..." Ivy whispered, stretching his name while using her ever seductive tone of voice to catch his attention. "My back is hurting again... could you help me? Please?" She mockingly faked her pleading. In truth, her back was no longer hurting. It may very will the next day, and she would be at his mercy if she could not find another way to stretch her spine...But this moment would be worth it.

"My head is so hot, you could fry eggs on it! How could you expect to ask me such a favor?" He retorted, rolling his eyes and bringing the palm of his hand up to hold his chin. Ivy giggled hysterically.

"Pleeease?" Link turned to face her, a large frown on his face contrasting the massive grin of Ivy.

"You're a pain in my back..."

With that, Ivy began to laugh once more, but to lighten her mean ways against her friend, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a tight hug, laughing into his head. Link's face turned beet red once more, and not because of the heat from the fire, either...

* * *

**A/N:** It's so good to be back in this section. Hope you guys liked this, I promised I'd get something out for Link/Ivy, and here it is. I just didn't have the idea until recently and began to write it out earlier. Had fun writing this, and I hope you had fun reading it!


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